cry of joy

when i was younger, i never understood the meaning of crying out of happiness.

i mean, why cry when you're happy right?

but... i think i got it wrong... the feeling of crying because you're so happy... i think, contains a lot more emotions, more complexity, than just 'being happy'.

there's the sadness from knowing that the feeling is ephemeral, the disappointment from knowing that something however short or long has come to an end, the relief that comes with joy, and the over-spill of emotions that just overwhelm you to no end.... i think those are a few things that make it possible to work one's way up to the climax that is better known as "crying out of sheer happiness".

sometimes, i think i'm getting too drunk on my own emotions. but is that wrong? i wish i could invoke them and cry or laugh over them whenever i wanted. but humans are very forgetful creatures it seems...

i wonder if there will ever be a time when i can freely just enjoy 'feeling'... instead of feeling guilty over 'wasting time'... or so other people label it. i don't think it's wasting time at all... because, what else is there in life than to appreciate the things in it and the emotions it elicits?

i don't know... may sound like hedonism, but i never said that those 'emotions' are necessarily pleasurable in the earthly or bodily sense. no... more like... i feel like i'm actually feeling something when i experience those emotions... whatever they may be.

maybe that IS hedonism haha... but oh well...

emotions rule everything human after all...