clandestine maybe's

i think that there are some people who thrive on secrets.

it may be the general gossip-like secrets about your best friend or your neighbor, the one who wears the same bath robe and smells like yesterday's grass mowed with that rusty green tractor thing that he's so proud of.

but me?

i thrive off of my own secrets.

i like to tell myself that they're not harmful... no... not harmful at all.

maybe a secret trip to that new store in town, the one that sells all the funny looking hats.
or maybe it's a study date with a new friend.

these are the things i like keeping from others in my web of life. not that there are many of those either.

i just think that there is no reason for someone to know the complete me. no one NEEDS to know everything about me. and until i find someone that truely NEEDS this, i will always be keeping secrets.

but, at the same time, i'll be flattered if the right person has noticed something. has caught a stray thread and pulled it. it has to be the right person though, which makes me think that maybe i've wanted this person to know... maybe i've wanted this person to be the one that NEEDS.

maybe...

but who knows.

sometimes, i think i'm keeping secrets from myself.
i mean, i probably am... who knows what i'm thinking when i myself don't know?
will there EVER be someone who knows? maybe... maybe never.

or MAYbe, i'm just full of my shit and need to get off it.
MAYbe i'm just simple sally and it's as easy as pecan pie to understand what the hell i'm thinking or doing or wanting...

MAYBE...

and this is exactly why i like this word... and hate it at the same time.

maybe.